So very tired and uninspired
So this will be one of the first times when this is actually about me, or more so than not. It seems that everytime I sit down to do my homework I have inspiration to get it done. I know I want to pass my classes but it seems that there is nothing I can do to make myself get anything done. I laugh at my decisions to do other things, and the other things are starting to annoy me because its the same mindless task over and over again. I will gain spurts of inspirations but nothing gets done with them other than more slacking off. I have an exam on thursday, by the time I wake up tomorrow it will be one day away, almost exactly, and for some reason Im not worried about it. I have studied two of the 6ish sections on the test and feel confident that I dont know enough but at the same time I dont feel like I need to study. Is this just a method of me telling myself that I dont really want to take this path in life or is it myself reverting to high school once again where I didnt have to study. All I needed to do then was goto class and do about half the homework and I would ace almost every test but now I find that even if I study a week in advance I will get about the same grades as if I study for 6 hours the day before the test. I know if I would spread out this time of studying to a few days I could still do the things I 'enjoy' doing and probably get a better grade on the test, I could correct the mistakes that I made before, I could have a normal college life, but it doesnt seem to work that way.
My inspiration has gone the path of the dinosaurs and disco. I look back at middle school and I remember getting my studies done before anything else. I would come home work on homework from 3-6, get everything done and I would ace the tests, nothing even close to doing bad. By the end of middle school things started to change I would study only a few hours a week and get a 4. in most of my classes so I decided that, that was the only thing that I needed to do. In high school this changed, I could get 3.0-4.0 with doing just the homework for every class, I didnt need to study and I would still get better grades than about 90% of the kids in my class. I ended high school with around a 3.65, thats ignoring my last semester where I didnt care because I was already accepted to the college I wanted and they wouldnt even look at the grades I got the final semester. From then on I guess was when I actually stopped caring, I could get the average grades with only giving 40% of what I could.
By the time finals came in college for the two semesters Ive been here I was in a little bit of a rut, I needed to get a near perfect grade on the final to recieving a passing grade in about half the classes Ive taken. To me a passing grade is a 3.0, I hate getting lower than that but I seem to live with it when it happens. For a few of my classes I would get the grade that I wanted on the final and be happy with the cramming that took place the week before. Other times I would get a lower grade and get annoyed with myself because I knew I could do better. If you are still confused I would usually go into a final with a 1.5-2.0 and after the final would end with anywhere from a 2.0-3.0, but one of the classes I ended with a 3.5 which I found rather interesting but didnt complain one bit.
Even though I hate failing I still cant find the inspiration that I wanted so I could do better in a class before the final. I guess by putting this up Im hoping to address the problem first hand, and by letting people read this maybe I can get out of the slump that I am in. This is probably the more difficult way to go about it, the easy way would be to talk to a psychologist or get drugs to deal with ADD even though I dont think I have it. I want to get out of this hole Ive dug myself but it still isnt enough inspiration, the only thing that is left to do is cry myself to sleep, or just fall asleep holding back the tears. I just get so frusterated with myself...
-"We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men. " -Boondock Saints
My inspiration has gone the path of the dinosaurs and disco. I look back at middle school and I remember getting my studies done before anything else. I would come home work on homework from 3-6, get everything done and I would ace the tests, nothing even close to doing bad. By the end of middle school things started to change I would study only a few hours a week and get a 4. in most of my classes so I decided that, that was the only thing that I needed to do. In high school this changed, I could get 3.0-4.0 with doing just the homework for every class, I didnt need to study and I would still get better grades than about 90% of the kids in my class. I ended high school with around a 3.65, thats ignoring my last semester where I didnt care because I was already accepted to the college I wanted and they wouldnt even look at the grades I got the final semester. From then on I guess was when I actually stopped caring, I could get the average grades with only giving 40% of what I could.
By the time finals came in college for the two semesters Ive been here I was in a little bit of a rut, I needed to get a near perfect grade on the final to recieving a passing grade in about half the classes Ive taken. To me a passing grade is a 3.0, I hate getting lower than that but I seem to live with it when it happens. For a few of my classes I would get the grade that I wanted on the final and be happy with the cramming that took place the week before. Other times I would get a lower grade and get annoyed with myself because I knew I could do better. If you are still confused I would usually go into a final with a 1.5-2.0 and after the final would end with anywhere from a 2.0-3.0, but one of the classes I ended with a 3.5 which I found rather interesting but didnt complain one bit.
Even though I hate failing I still cant find the inspiration that I wanted so I could do better in a class before the final. I guess by putting this up Im hoping to address the problem first hand, and by letting people read this maybe I can get out of the slump that I am in. This is probably the more difficult way to go about it, the easy way would be to talk to a psychologist or get drugs to deal with ADD even though I dont think I have it. I want to get out of this hole Ive dug myself but it still isnt enough inspiration, the only thing that is left to do is cry myself to sleep, or just fall asleep holding back the tears. I just get so frusterated with myself...
-"We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men. " -Boondock Saints
posted by Adam at Wednesday, December 01, 2004
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